


Die Trying

by Skullszeyes



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Heart, Denial of Feelings, Drinking & Talking, Drinking to Cope, Fading Mark, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Rough Kissing, Soulmate AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-29
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-27 16:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8408344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullszeyes/pseuds/Skullszeyes
Summary: Delirious and Vanoss are soul mates. Except they don't act like they are, the marks identify that they belong to each other, but the love isn't there. Cartoonz is determined to get Delirious to do something about his and Vanoss's relationship, but it might be too late when Delirious finds his own mark fading.





	1. Chapter 1

He broke up with his latest and it’s not something Jonathan wants to think about. He looks down at the mark inside of his wrist, a sweet cursive of Evan’s name that mirrors the one in Evan’s wrist. He rubs at it, wondering if it’ll ever go away, but when he looks up, sullen and annoyed.

Evan wanders over to him, broad shoulders, hands tucked into his sweater, eyes staring idly at the ground before rising and grinning at Jonathan.

He can’t even will himself a smile before pulling out his cellphone to call Brian or maybe David. Evan slides into the car with a deep sigh, but they don’t say anything as Jonathan starts up the car and they’re down the street in the seconds.

“What do you want, Delirious?” Nogla asked, voice exasperated.

Jonathan wrinkles his nose. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing that can warrant a visit,” he answers.

Evan snorts as he plays with the radio.

Jonathan taps his fingers on the steering wheel as he slows down at a stop light. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Probably at home,” Nogla says.

“Alright. I’ll.. I’ll call Brian.” He hangs up and rethinks his decision and dials Cartoonz number instead while at the same time swatting at Vanoss’s hands to stop him from playing with the radio.

He scowls as he slumps against the seat and looks out his window.

Jonathan wonders if Evan wants to get dropped off. He asked, but only gains an arched brow and a nod as the lights switches to green.

“Hey, Delirious,” Cartoonz answers, a little more enthusiastic than Nogla which calms Delirious down quite easily.

“What are you doing?” Jonathan asked.

“Getting my stuff set up and heading out to grab some food. What about you? Weren’t you holding hands with Evan to his breakup?”

Delirious grits his teeth and thanks god that he didn’t put his phone on speaker. “Something like that. I.. want to.. Do something.”

He knows for sure Evan is looking at him, but he doesn’t meet his gaze. The traffic isn’t so bad and apparently he’s a notorious bad driver, not that he would admit it. He’s doing well now while talking on the phone and ignoring Evan’s lingering eyes.

“Like what? Get drunk?” Cartoonz asked.

The suggestion makes Jonathan’s heart race in anticipation and whatever nervousness he felt several seconds before evaporated. “Yes. That’s exactly what I want to do. Can you call in some people and tell them to head over to my place.”

“Sure, Delirious. Call you back once I know the head count.”

“Okay.” He hangs up and drops his phone in the cup holder. “Do you want to go home?”

“You’re not going to invite me?” Evan asked, brow still raised and ignoring his question.

Jonathan felt a slight weight in his chest, his hands grip the steering wheel as he makes a turn and drives up a slope. “Do.. you want to come over?”

Evan looks away. “Yeah.”

“Great,” Jonathan mutters, clearing his throat. “I’ll text you when everything’s.. Prepared.”

A silence falls over them which doesn't help with Jonathan’s awkwardness and need to take Evan home. Once he does park in front of his house, which is several blocks from his own.

“Thanks for coming.. With me.”

Jonathan nods slowly. “Yeah. Any time..” He hates it and he wonders if Evan knows that he does. The name written in the inside of his wrist is still firmly there, a mark that will never fade, confirming his soulmate was sitting right beside him and is constantly going on dates with anyone who catches his attention.

“You didn’t have too,” Evan says.

Jonathan shrugs and hopes its nonchalant, but the words he says next are bitter, “Next time, tell me.”

Evan frowns and steps out of the car and when he shuts the door. The silence suffocates Jonathan so much that he wants to break something, except he drives away from Vanoss’s apartment and towards his own place, waiting on a party that he hopes won’t suck as his evening did.

Later that night around nine, most of his friends arrived at his house. Jonathan stood outside beside the pool, a grin plastered on his face with a glass of Vodka in is hand. Nogla brought Lui over, while Cartoonz called in Tyler, Craig, Marcel, Cody and Brian. Delirious himself called Ohmwrecker, Bryce and Vanoss.

Everyone slowly arrived while Delirious and Cartoonz gathered the alcohol they bought and placed it on the table with several cups. He opened a few bags of chips and dumped them into bowls along the counter.

He found himself staring down at his mark and ignoring Cartoonz questions about Evan. There was obviously a pattern and disturbance between their relationship since they found out they were soulmates. It wasn’t something they believed in initially until the mark showed up several months ago.

Jonathan didn’t understand what it meant, not completely until Evan started dating people. It was getting quite ridiculous. Cartoonz kept saying it was Evan’s way of dealing that he even had a soulmate. Jonathan didn’t date at all, not like he wanted too. Except the soulmate mark made it impossible for him to enjoy anyone else. He didn’t find anyone at all interesting or attractive. A side effect of the mark.

“He’ll get over it,” Cartoonz says as he wanders over to him with his own cup of Whiskey.

Jonathan shakes his head, “You call that _‘getting over it’_?” Evan brought a girl, dark hair, thin body that fit a tight dress, they were kissing in the house. Jonathan and Cartoonz could see them from where they stood, including several of their friends who didn’t look in the least interested in Evan’s exploits.

Cartoonz grimaced, downing his drink and passing Delirious his empty cup. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“Are you serious?” Delirious asked, throwing the empty cup and grabbing onto Cartoonz’s shirt. “Leave it alone, alright.”

“ _Alright?_ ” Cartoonz asked, looking back at Delirious with an incredulous look before pointing at Evan. “That bastard is your soulmate. He shouldn’t be in anyway touching or fucking anyone but you.”

“I said, leave it alone.” He couldn’t believe that Cartoonz was going to make a scene, he didn’t want to confront Evan, not like this, not when he wanted to consume himself with alcohol, wake up with a hangover and get on with life.

Cartoonz ripped Delirious’s hand from his shirt. “Do something, Delirious. Or you’re going to lose that fucker to some bitch.”

“I’m not losing anyone,” Delirious said, his voice rising and catching the attention of several of his friends, “there’s no one to lose. Okay.”

Cartoonz shook his head. “You need to sort out your fucking priorities, Delirious. Get you head straight and realize that even if you date someone, you’re not going to ever be happy with them.” He reached out and grabbed his wrist where the mark was.

Delirious tried pulling away, his entire hand felt numb from Cartoonz’s grip, as if he wasn’t allowed to touch the mark itself. A sort of panic fell over him and he half-wondered if it was the alcohol in his system or a defence mechanism of the mark.

“This is your fucking soul mate, Delirious. No one else. So fight for…- What the fuck?”

Delirious stopped struggling and looked down at the mark, his eyes widened at the way the entire name was beginning to fade. As if it were a pen mark. He pulled his wrist from Cartoonz and looked closely.

“It’s.. fading.. A soul mates mark isn’t supposed to fade..what the fuck is going on?”

“It can fade,” Lui interjected where he sat with Nogla and Craig on the pool edge, their feet dangling in the water. “It happens, but rarely.”

“So..” Delirious looks up and sees Evan still talking to the girl, smiling so contently that it made Delirious want to throw up at what Evan didn’t know. “Am I.. or is he?”

Lui looked over his shoulder, brows pinched. “It can happen, Delirious. Usually when there’s no hope on either end.”

“It’s the reason why you’re not doing a fucking thing, Delirious,” Cartoonz says, a weariness crossing over his face, “it’s also because of Vanoss fucking around. There’s no hope for either of you, so the mark is fading.”

He stared at the mark before a laugh escaped him, it wasn’t a relieved laugh, just a sick and sad laugh that he downed his drink, dropped it on the ground and staggered past Cartoonz.

“Where are you going?”

“Somewhere to think,” Delirious says, turning around and shrugging, “or maybe I’ll go to a bar and find myself someone for the night. Endless fucking possibilities.”

“Delirious, you fuck head, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not driving,” he called back as he stepped into the house and reached for his blue sweater on the couch and made sure his wallet was inside. He clenched his teeth as he headed past Evan, his heart racing painfully but he pushed his feelings down. Not wanting it to consume him.

“Hey, Jo, where are you going?”

Jonathan grabbed the knob of the front door, “Fuck, I don’t know,” he looked over his shoulder at Evan and smirked, “look at your wrist and fucking celebrate, Owl man.”

He didn’t bother to watch as Evan looked at his wrist to see the surprise. He didn’t want to witness the smile or the happiness on his face that he was finally free of a soulmate. He didn’t want it. Not this pain, not the soulmate mark, and certainly not Evan.

He closed the door behind him and headed off to whatever could end his torment.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delirious realizes there was so much relationship miscommunication with himself and Vanoss. What they didn't know about the soulmate mark was that once marked, you're only attracted to each other, it grows intense once you experience your first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much longer than it was supposed to be, but I kept writing until I knew it was finished. :D I wanted to add more to the soulmate mark and give it more depth than just being a mark that randomly shows up.  
> So, I hope you enjoy.

_Am I seriously crying?_ Delirious wiped away the tears that kept trailing down his face, he clenched his teeth as he breathed hard. Anger swelled in his chest as he let out a yell that made more tears fall. He couldn’t even bother to look at his mark, it was too painful, too pathetic that he was overwhelmed by the sight of it.

The concept of the soul mates was that they were initially soul mates. Forever bound together. He laughed, even when he wanted to break something. It was stupid to ever believe that he grew up with the absurd thought that he would ever love someone, that love would eventually make sense of the world around him. He always imagined it like driving fast down streets, through red lights with flashing cars chasing him. A rush of cold wind pushed against him and his heart racing inside of his rib cage.

How could he ever think that love could feel so fucking exhilarating when the second he received his mark, it felt more like a trap. A place he wasn’t supposed to be, and maybe he wasn’t glad that it was someone he knew, someone like Vanoss who was carefree in the work they did all over Los Santos.

Vanoss didn’t take it like he did, the look on his face was of concern. A denial washed over him so quick that Delirious felt instantly numb because of it. Days went by, weeks, months, until the pattern was a missing piece of the jagged puzzle that was their newly formed relationship. It wasn’t much of a relationship when Vanoss kissed whoever caught his attention, whoever lingered until they crawled into his bed.

It left Delirious feeling sick.

He walked down the street, along the sidewalk and on the road until he found a liquor store and grabbed a bottle before calling a cab to take him to the sign of Vinewood hills. That was how he ended up on a bench, staring at the bright lights of the city with the bottle to his lips and the alcohol filtering out his emotions.

He had his phone on him and he was texting Cartoonz who was keeping everything rather discreet about the events that transpired. Delirious couldn’t care less.

 **Cartoonz:** _Where are you?_

**Delirious:** _No where._

**Cartoonz:** _Fucking tell me._

Delirious wrinkled his nose and sighed. He told him and set the phone down. He took another swig and wondered how he could ever think he could fall in love. If that was even a real thing from the way his relationship sunk with Vanoss. Could he even call it a relationship? It wasn’t like he did anything to stop Vanoss. He could’ve asked him to stop.

His heart ached because it wasn’t just Vanoss who was in denial of the soulmate mark. He didn’t stop him because he couldn’t believe it, everything fell apart when it appeared. His best friend was his soulmate and he didn’t know what to do about that. How was he supposed to act or say or actually sustain a relationship.

Everything was completely new to him and when Vanoss started randomly hooking up with people. Delirious couldn’t even bother to stop him.

He just eased into the routine as if it didn’t matter. When in truth, it did.

He sniffed, ignoring the cold and the way his sweater didn’t protect him. He pulled his sleeve up to examine the mark and frowned at the smudged writing that was symmetrical to Vanoss’s.

 _Do I even love Evan?_ The question was sharp and out of nowhere, it startled Delirious who sat up straight and almost knocked over the bottle. “Shit.” He hugged it to his chest and ignored the flush to his cheeks.

He thought of the way he loved his voice, his laugh, how ridiculously positive and warm he was. Delirious wanted to stay close, to know that he belonged in his presence. To feel needed and not left out.

He always thought it was just his friendship with Vanoss that made him crave his presence. But the mark proved him wrong, it was more, so much more that it hurt when the mark began to fade.

“Who’s falling out of love?”

He took another swig and tried shoving away the thoughts, but he couldn’t. It was there, so fresh that a tear rolled down his cheek. Delirious pulled his legs up onto the bench and grabbed his phone, setting the bottle between his knees to keep it still. Turning his phone on, he frowned at the message.

 **Cartoonz:** _Don’t hate me._

**Delirious:** _What happened? Did you break my TV again?_

**Cartoonz:** _That happened once. And no. I..bitched at Vanoss and told him where you were._

His hands shook and his eyes were wide as he stared at the message, re-reading it a few times.

**Delirious:** _Why the fuck would you do that?_

**Cartoonz:** _I ain’t letting you two squander a fucking soulmate bullshit. If it’s meant to be, it’s fucking meant to be._

Delirious dropped his phone in his lap and covered his face with his hands before shouting. “Fuuuuuuuuuuuck!”

He grabbed his phone, teeth clenched as he texted back.

 **Delirious:** _When? Is he still there?_

If he is, he’s pretty sure he can run somewhere else.

 **Cartoonz:** _;) He should be there soon. Don’t fucking run, you idiot._

**Delirious:** _This isn’t a fucking joke. I don’t want to see him._

**Cartoonz:** _I know it isn’t. That’s why I told him where you were. He also dumped his gf, or whoever she was. She bitched at him too. Should’ve seen it. Almost asked her if she wanted a drink._

Delirious scowled, he reached for the bottle and rose to his feet. He stumbled, which pissed him off, he started down the path before he stopped when he caught of someone walking up the path.

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath as he headed back the way he came. “Cartoonz, you fucking prick.”

“Delirious,” Vanoss called, making Delirious panic.

“Shit, shit, shit, I need to get the fuck out of here.” He was about to sprint before he was spun around and faced Vanoss who was panting from his walk up the path.

“Delirious, hey, stop,” Vanoss said, struggling with Delirious who was trying his best to get out of his hold.

His bottle slipped through his hands and fell to the ground. “Fuck,” shoving Vanoss back a few steps to reach the bottle, it was already spilling out before he picked it up.

“You’re.. Drinking.. Are you drunk?” Vanoss asked when Delirious straightened.

“Fuck off,” Delirious said, stepping back and taking a quick swig. The burn was becoming numb in his chest, and almost refreshing with each sip. He was finally enjoying himself.

Vanoss rolled his eyes. “I need to talk to you about our mark.”

Delirious snorted as he sat down on the bench. “ _Our._ That’s funny, Evan. This is _our_ mark and yet we don’t even have the right to share it between each other.”

Vanoss frowned as he moved closer, he rubbed his hands together and sighed. “This would be easier if you weren’t drunk.”

“What did you expect me to do?” Delirious asked, craning his head to look at Evan. “Cry. Because I did that, now it’s time to drink and try to forget that I was ever bound to you.”

“You.. cried?”

“It’s the only response I could muster,” Delirious muttered before taking another swig.

Vanoss looked confused as if the words couldn’t come to him. Delirious noted the way he rubbed the mark with his thumb as if he was smoothing it away into his skin. It irked Delirious and saddened him at the same time.

“Can you leave.”

“No,” Vanoss said as if it wasn’t an option as he sat down on the opposite end of the bench. There was space which Delirious appreciated. He didn’t want to stay in Vanoss’s presence, at least not as close.

“Hurry up and talk,” Delirious said, leaning his head back and staring at the stars twinkling above them. They weren’t as visible, but it was enough.

“First, are you okay?”

Delirious turned his head, brows pinched together. “What kind of question is that?”

Vanoss shrugged, his gaze was steady that it made Delirious flustered again as he turned his head back to look at the stars. “I’m fine.”

There was a deep inhale that Delirious ignored as he reached for the bottle and placed it to his lips. He closed his eyes, letting the alcohol spin his world and hopefully distort his mind enough that he could forget this entire exchange. Maybe he’ll even wake up at home, alone with no mark.

He set the alcohol down, letting some slid down his chin, at the same time, a tear rolled from his left eye. He turned his head and reached up, rubbing the tear away before cleaning up the alcohol around his mouth.

“You can’t even drink right,” Vanoss said, suddenly in front of him.

Delirious sucked in a sliver of air as he sat upright. Vanoss pulled the bottle from his hand and tilted his chin with his fingers that made Delirious settle into his touch. He closed his eyes as Vanoss caressed his jaw before stopping as another tear escaped.

A sob choked him, his heart hurt so much that they couldn’t even start something and it was ending abruptly. That his own fears and numbness shattered the possibilities, but at the same time, Vanoss ruined it. He destroyed their relationship.

Delirious bit his lip as he turned and pushed Vanoss back. Shock swept across his face. “What are you doing here? Just leave me alone and go back to whoever you’re going to fuck tonight.”

“I’m not fucking anyone,” Vanoss said, hands clenched into fists at his sides. “I get that you’re mad..-”

“Seriously? You understand why, then why the fuck do you keep doing it? It doesn’t make any fucking sense to date other people when your soulmate is right in front of you.” Delirious felt disgusted, he wanted to throw something at Vanoss, even when his heart hurt and a small bit of him wanted to forgive him, but he couldn’t. Not like this.

Vanoss remained silent, his face blank but Delirious could see the raw confliction in his eyes. He stood, hoping to leave Vanoss to his troubles, soon the mark will fade and this little thing between them can end. It wasn’t even a _thing_. It was nothing.

“I can’t let you leave, Delirious. At least not wandering around drunk.”

“Stop trying to care about me,” Delirious snapped, ignoring Vanoss’s flinch. “Just leave. Go to whomever wants you tonight.”

“I don’t want anyone.”

He laughed, it hurt, but he did. “That’s a first, ain’t it.”

“Jonathan, I’m serious, okay.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you’re serious. I didn’t go around fucking anyone who wanted me, I didn’t bring your soulmate to breakups. I wanted you, and you didn’t want me.” The words slipped through so easily that another tear rolled down, he wiped it away until another followed. He was crying by then and he hated it.

“I know you won’t believe me,” Vanoss said as he walked closer to him, “but I do love you. I really do, I just don’t know.. How I’m supposed to. The mark scared me and I didn’t understand what it really meant.”

Delirious wiped away more of his tears, trying his best not to drop his phone or his bottle. “Why didn’t you just talk to me. That’s the point of a soulmate, we talk to each other and be with each other.”

Vanoss reached out and stopped when Delirious took a step back. “I don’t love the people I was with, Delirious. I don’t even love or care about them. I can’t because you’re my soulmate. I.. feel numb when I’m with them. Just being here with you, it’s overwhelming. I want to kiss you and hold you and all these other fucking things.”

Delirious felt suddenly warm at the prospect that Vanoss felt the same way that he feels whenever he’s in his presence.

“I want to make you feel so fucking good and that scares me. Okay. I feel so much when I’m with you. I know I fucked up, and I hate that. I want to make this better before the mark completely fades because when it does…”

When it does, their feelings fade with it. The overwhelming emotions and attraction goes with it. It’s almost nauseating that it’ll be gone, that what Delirious feels right now will just be empty.

Vanoss stepped closer until he stood in front of him. He reached for the bottle and pried it from his grip. He took the phone next and plopped it into his pocket before taking his hands.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I just.. Didn’t know what I was losing. I don’t want to lose you, Delirious. I want to keep this feeling forever, this overwhelming-” he leaned forward and kissed Delirious.

Embarrassingly, Delirious moaned at the feel of Evan’s mouth on his, moving in a smooth movement until he was holding onto Evan. Losing his entire sanity in just a kiss.

“You should.. Talk more about what you want.. To do with me,” Delirious said, pulling away and pressing his forehead against Vanoss’s.

Evan smiled. “You like dirty talk?”

“I like you,” Delirious murmured, turning his head and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He knew this didn’t change anything, even when he went to Evan’s. Kissing against a wall until their sweaters fell to the floor, the bottle left on the counter.

Delirious laid partially on top of Evan while he ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m fucking tired,” he murmured, craning his head and kissing Evan’s jaw. “You’re not going to leave when I wake up, right?”

“I live here, Delirious. And no, I won’t leave. I’ll be here.”

Delirious smiled, as he nuzzled Evan’s chest. “Okay. Stay with me. Don’t leave.”

Sleep took him away so quick that when he woke up, the sun streaked into the dim room. He forgot for a second where he was, remembering bits from last night. The pain, the tears, the anger and loss when Vanoss showed up on the hill. The yelling between them and the kisses that warmed his heart.

He blinked a few times to get his bearings, he wasn’t at his place, but from the owl logo on the wall and computer setup. He was at Vanoss’s. Delirious frowned as he sat up and yawned, wondering where his sweater was. His clothes were intact, which was a good sign.

He smelled coffee and before he could climb off the bed. Evan walked into the room with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Hey, you’re awake.”

Delirious felt himself swallow the second he saw Vanoss’s eyes dilate. The light in the room helped him to notice this detail as Vanoss set the cups down and plop on the bed, smiling at him.

“Did we have sex?” Delirious asked, wondering why Vanoss was in such a good mood. The room felt charged with energy and it made Delirious’s fingers twitch with anticipation, his mind spun with an urge to grab Vanoss and pull him close.

“No, but you wanted too before you fell asleep, mumbling about erasing someone’s touch from my body,” he said, smiling.

Delirious felt his mouth fall open before Vanoss leaned close and automatically his eyes closed. His lips tingled at the press of Vanoss’s mouth, he pulled him close without fully realizing it until he was lying on his back.

“This is what I was missing out,” Vanoss murmured between kisses, hovering above him. “I could do this all fucking day.”

Delirious panted at the thought, he was so overwhelmed by the kiss and Vanoss’s voice that a tear rolled from his eyes and he cursed himself for the constant act.

Vanoss raised his head and smiled as Delirious chased his mouth and whined. “You okay?” he asked, wiping away the tears.

Delirious nodded, tugging Vanoss back down. “Kiss me, just keep doing that. Please. Please.” He moaned when they kissed again, wrapping his arms around Vanoss’s neck.

“Fuck, Delirious,” Vanoss groaned when Delirious accidentally grinded against him. “We didn’t even get to have our coffee.”

Delirious whined as Vanoss pulled back to reach for his cup. “No, fuck the coffee.”

Vanoss chuckled, taking a sip. “I have something to show you. Sit up.”

Delirious glared and rose, his mind felt foggy and hot that he wanted to tear his clothes off. “No wonder people are so fucking lovey-dovey, this is really intense.”

Evan set his cup down and reached for Delirious’s hand. “Yeah. Unfortunately I was so scared-even though I shouldn’t have-we didn’t get to experience it until now.” He turned their wrists and to Delirious’s shock, the mark was fully there on both of their wrists. No longer smudged or faded.

“It came back..holy shit.. It came back,” Delirious said tracing the letters of Vanoss’s name on his wrist and looking at his own on Vanoss’s.

“Yeah, I woke up and it was there. I guess the universe is giving us another chance.”

Delirious nodded before looking at Vanoss. “You’re not going to..cheat..again are you?”

Vanoss frowned. “No. I’m not, your kisses are a lot more appealing and addictive.”

Delirious smiled. “Really?”

Vanoss moved closer onto the bed, once again crawling on top of Delirious.

“I love you so much that I can’t think straight.” He captured Delirious’s mouth again.

Delirious found himself enjoying the taste of coffee on his tongue and later he texted Cartoonz. Taking a picture of his and Evan’s filled in marks and receiving praises that made him smile. There was still some problems he and Evan will have to smooth out, but for now, he wanted to enjoy what he has.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't done a full soul mate au with H2oVanoss. :) I wrote this quickly like I usually write my stories. I apologize for any spelling errors and such. I hope you enjoy. Title is from a song I was listening too while writing this: Michl - Die Trying.


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